Okay, so on to my other thoughts. This next one might be somewhat shorter. It starts with a girl named Megan. She and I became friends my senior year, despite the fact that she was a 'mere freshman' (here's my nose in the air...heh heh). Anyhow, she is a sweet girl, genuinely beautiful, fun, and pretty smart. There was a time I didn't think so, though. The day I met her.
My negative thoughts didn't last long, mind you, nor did they stem to anything hateful in any way! No, no, no. It was much simpler than that.
She offended me.
The very first thing she ever said to me was rude, in my opinion. Especially considering that she didn't even know me. I now attribute it to family loyalty and a high regard for her older sister, coupled with a desire to be known instantly in her new school.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's the scenario:
I'm eating lunch with friends, and one of them says they have a new friend who wants to hang with us. Of course everyone is cool with this, and so off she trots. When she comes back, she's talking with a curly-haired, round-faced, kinda shy looking girl. Her name is Megan, and she is NOT shy. Everyone makes introductions all around, and she was saying something about hanging with drama people because her sister Trisha (not to be confused with Trish) was over there. So I brighten up and tell her I'm in the Advanced Acting class with her sister.
Her response? "You're not the best, you know. My sister has been acting longer than you. I'm sure she's better. Just because you're in that class doesn't mean you're the best."
To which I replied (looking very confused, I'm sure), "I never said I was the best. I just said I was in the class."
And her response..."Well, she's better than you, just so you know."
I shook my head and tried to figure out how this girl A) came to the conclusion that I THOUGHT I was the best, B) figured it was good to put me, a total stranger, in my place, and C) knew enough about me in the first place to judge how good I was or wasn't compared to her sister.
Like I said, we did become friends. Not that day, but the next. Seems that my humility was enough for her to consider me friend material...for which I'm glad, cause snobbery is never a good memory to have of someone.
Here's what has always bugged me about this encounter, though. First, you had to be hand-picked by the drama teacher in order to be in the advanced class. This class skipped the lets-teach-you-how-to-act stuff, and focused only on setting up and performing high school plays. Every day, all year. You had to have had beginning drama in order to qualify, but still...not everyone qualified. So right off the bat, you had to be good. Second, I WAS one of the great actors of the class. I learned this later from the teacher. I had asked him why I was usually in middle roles (not extra, but not lead). He had given us countless stories about quality actors not in lead roles, and he directed my thoughts to those. He said he knew he could trust me to direct focus where it needed to be when it needed to be there, as well as give good supplemental dialogue and character to a scene to make it work, and that even though my roles were never lead...I was noticed. And in a good way. Great compliment, in my opinion! I was pointedly reminded of several times when my character, played my specific way, had brought in audible sympathy, disbelief, or laughter from the audience. And third, my school drama team was one of the top three in the STATE! Another thing I learned later on. So, yeah, that makes me pretty good. Another talent from God, I'm well aware.
With all that in mind, I'm also aware that I'm not the best. I'm not even comparing myself to Trisha, either. I have no idea what my teacher's opinion of her talent was. My opinion is that she was great...really great. To be regarded highly. But this wasn't actually about her anyway. It was about little sis. Megan.
And often I've thought to myself, when I'm feeling somewhat confrontational, that I would love to go back in time and point out all of the above to Megan on the first day! If for no other reason than just to shut up the immediate snob she made herself out to be.
But, alas, that would have most definately made it impossible for any friendship between us. So even though I randomly think about that...in my heart now and forever, I'm VERY glad I said exactly what I did. Cause even though high school was 10+ years ago, and we haven't spoken to or seen each other for at least 8 or those years, we did have a good friendship back then and the memories I have of her (other than the first) are good memories.
So I guess this blog is just so I can scream it out to the world what I never said back then: I WAS ONE OF THE BEST ACTORS!!! NOT JUST IN MY SCHOOL, BUT IN THE ENTIRE STATE!!! HAND-PICKED BY A MAN WHO KNEW MORE ABOUT ACTING THAN A LOT OF PROFESSIONAL ACTORS, AND NO AMOUNT OF PETTY SNOBBERY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY!!! SO, HA!
Okay, I'm okay now.
Ciao
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
High School Daze - Dealing With the Duo
I was cleaning my house the other day, and just thinking about my life. My mind paused on high school, so I reviewed. I was home taught my first two years, and attended public school junior and senior years. As pleased as I am with my high school years, there are still a couple things that bother me. Maybe bother is too strong a word. I still randomly think about these things because...well, just because. They stand out as odd, I guess. There are three of them.
So I figured I'd write them down, and maybe I can just look at them as actual words and be okay with it so that years down the road I'm not still stopping on THAT ONE THOUGHT!! I hate those things. The same thoughts that keep coming back and back, no matter how hard you try to work it out and move on. So, here's me trying to work it out, and I don't exactly know how to start.
I suppose I'll start with Trish and Tara. After all, I had a dream about the two of them recently. Very unsettling.
They were pretty inseperable. The best of friends, and (I think) generally nice to people. But not to me. I could never figure this out. I was at a school where it didn't take much to be 'known' by all...you just had to be outspoken, wierd, in drama, or Mormon. Of the four, I was two and a half. I can NOT call myself wierd. Not in the way that would get me noticed at school, anyhow. That being said, let's move on. I AM Mormon (proudly), I was in drama, and I was *somewhat* outspoken. Of course, topic of conversation did matter as far as that last one went, as well as who's company I was in. But there ya go. That's me in high school in a very, *very* tiny little nutshell. Not popular, by any means, but then there wasn't a whole lot of that separation going on at my school. Or maybe I just didn't notice it. Blissfully unaware.
So here I was, moderately well known all over campus, and liked by all who knew me, with the exception of these two girls. For no reason that I could see. This went on through my junior year, and part of my senior year. They weren't cruel, mind you. Nothing like making fun of me, or any childish stuff like that. Just...I dunno. There was this palpable dislike they directed at me, without really saying much at all. Every now and then they would say something snobby, but not often.
But for me...well, I don't handle not being liked very well. Not at all. See, I AM a likeable person! I know this about myself. I befriend people, I serve others, I share opinion respectfully without overstepping bounds. I just am a generally likeable person. So when this dislike didn't go away, I was feeling hurt. So I finally did something about it.
No, I didn't go try to make the duo a trio, nor did I sit them down and cry about it. I wrote them a letter. Well, one of them. I still can't remember which one. Probably Trish, since I always remember her being more openly dislikeful.
Anyhow, the letter was short and said something to the effect of "I don't know why you don't lilke me. It hurts my feelings, but I've decided I'm going to just respect you and be nice to you no matter what and you can choose to be nice to me or not. I think you're cool, for what it's worth, and you're a good actress. I hope that even if we never be friends, we can at least be friendly." Not those words exactly, but that was the basic idea.
I realize, in retrospect, that this was probably not a 'cool' thing to do...more a middle school action rather than a high school one. But I was hurt and desperate, and the thing is...it worked! Almost immediately, these girls started being nice to me. We never became good friends. Just...friendly. And y'know what? It WAS cool. Turns out, it was the RIGHT action to take, and their reaction was a very cool thing. And we never had any problems after that.
In fact, Tara once suggested I sing lead in one of our plays because she said she had heard me singing when I thought noone was around and she said I was good! That was a huge compliment, especially since that was back when I wasn't sure how good my voice was. I know better now. God has given me that talent, and I'm glad (I love to sing!) But back then...well, anyhow, so it turned out cool. Trish even wrote in my yearbook...something to the effect of me teaching her about respect? Yeah, something along those lines.
So, that actually doesn't usually come to mind a lot. Mostly thinking of them I picture them doing something crazy onstage during rehearsals (typical of them), not the negative stuff. But there's that dream I mentioned...wierd. Not that the dream itself was very wierd...a little, yeah, but not much. I actually can't even remember most of it. I was standing at a soda fountain talking to Tara, and Trish said something muffled behind me. I turned and asked her "What? You're going to have a baby?" all excited-like, and she looked at me funny and said "Uh, yeah. I guess." and they walked away. That's all that I remember about the dream. So, Trish and Tara...if you ever stumble across this blog, I hope this makes sense to you, cause it sure doesn't to me!
What it did do, however, is remind me of the not-so-friendly times. *sigh* I am an optimist, and probably what you'd call a selective-amnesia-optimist. I deliberately choose to remember good things more than bad, so this memory is an unwelcome one. Especially since it was resolved long ago.
Well, I have more thoughts and plenty more time. But this being my first time blogging, I don't really know how long is TOO long of a post. So I think I'll end this one right here, and start again on a new one with my other high school thoughts.
Adios
So I figured I'd write them down, and maybe I can just look at them as actual words and be okay with it so that years down the road I'm not still stopping on THAT ONE THOUGHT!! I hate those things. The same thoughts that keep coming back and back, no matter how hard you try to work it out and move on. So, here's me trying to work it out, and I don't exactly know how to start.
I suppose I'll start with Trish and Tara. After all, I had a dream about the two of them recently. Very unsettling.
They were pretty inseperable. The best of friends, and (I think) generally nice to people. But not to me. I could never figure this out. I was at a school where it didn't take much to be 'known' by all...you just had to be outspoken, wierd, in drama, or Mormon. Of the four, I was two and a half. I can NOT call myself wierd. Not in the way that would get me noticed at school, anyhow. That being said, let's move on. I AM Mormon (proudly), I was in drama, and I was *somewhat* outspoken. Of course, topic of conversation did matter as far as that last one went, as well as who's company I was in. But there ya go. That's me in high school in a very, *very* tiny little nutshell. Not popular, by any means, but then there wasn't a whole lot of that separation going on at my school. Or maybe I just didn't notice it. Blissfully unaware.
So here I was, moderately well known all over campus, and liked by all who knew me, with the exception of these two girls. For no reason that I could see. This went on through my junior year, and part of my senior year. They weren't cruel, mind you. Nothing like making fun of me, or any childish stuff like that. Just...I dunno. There was this palpable dislike they directed at me, without really saying much at all. Every now and then they would say something snobby, but not often.
But for me...well, I don't handle not being liked very well. Not at all. See, I AM a likeable person! I know this about myself. I befriend people, I serve others, I share opinion respectfully without overstepping bounds. I just am a generally likeable person. So when this dislike didn't go away, I was feeling hurt. So I finally did something about it.
No, I didn't go try to make the duo a trio, nor did I sit them down and cry about it. I wrote them a letter. Well, one of them. I still can't remember which one. Probably Trish, since I always remember her being more openly dislikeful.
Anyhow, the letter was short and said something to the effect of "I don't know why you don't lilke me. It hurts my feelings, but I've decided I'm going to just respect you and be nice to you no matter what and you can choose to be nice to me or not. I think you're cool, for what it's worth, and you're a good actress. I hope that even if we never be friends, we can at least be friendly." Not those words exactly, but that was the basic idea.
I realize, in retrospect, that this was probably not a 'cool' thing to do...more a middle school action rather than a high school one. But I was hurt and desperate, and the thing is...it worked! Almost immediately, these girls started being nice to me. We never became good friends. Just...friendly. And y'know what? It WAS cool. Turns out, it was the RIGHT action to take, and their reaction was a very cool thing. And we never had any problems after that.
In fact, Tara once suggested I sing lead in one of our plays because she said she had heard me singing when I thought noone was around and she said I was good! That was a huge compliment, especially since that was back when I wasn't sure how good my voice was. I know better now. God has given me that talent, and I'm glad (I love to sing!) But back then...well, anyhow, so it turned out cool. Trish even wrote in my yearbook...something to the effect of me teaching her about respect? Yeah, something along those lines.
So, that actually doesn't usually come to mind a lot. Mostly thinking of them I picture them doing something crazy onstage during rehearsals (typical of them), not the negative stuff. But there's that dream I mentioned...wierd. Not that the dream itself was very wierd...a little, yeah, but not much. I actually can't even remember most of it. I was standing at a soda fountain talking to Tara, and Trish said something muffled behind me. I turned and asked her "What? You're going to have a baby?" all excited-like, and she looked at me funny and said "Uh, yeah. I guess." and they walked away. That's all that I remember about the dream. So, Trish and Tara...if you ever stumble across this blog, I hope this makes sense to you, cause it sure doesn't to me!
What it did do, however, is remind me of the not-so-friendly times. *sigh* I am an optimist, and probably what you'd call a selective-amnesia-optimist. I deliberately choose to remember good things more than bad, so this memory is an unwelcome one. Especially since it was resolved long ago.
Well, I have more thoughts and plenty more time. But this being my first time blogging, I don't really know how long is TOO long of a post. So I think I'll end this one right here, and start again on a new one with my other high school thoughts.
Adios
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